I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
