How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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