You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
