Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
