he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize