i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
