That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
