piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
