too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We have started to decorate penises.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
