hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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