well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
