oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
