New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
