My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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