Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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