I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
