i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize