Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
