Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
