she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
