Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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