But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
