I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
