Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
