I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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