You were right. It hurts to walk today.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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