My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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