I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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