May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
