perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
