Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
