Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
