I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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