I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
