I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
