wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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