my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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