I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
