i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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