I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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