The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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