you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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