We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
