took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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