The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
