just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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