so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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