I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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