He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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