Can i not drive my cunt home
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
