I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
