Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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