I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
