HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Houston, we have a blender
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
