??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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