haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
