Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
