My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
