theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
