Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We have started to decorate penises.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
