did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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