I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
