I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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