I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
