im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
