I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
