i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
