Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
