The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
