Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
