I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
