I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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