The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
