we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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