This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
